On Bullying
Are we really all that surprised that things like water-boarding and other techniques of torture actually work? I mean, deny it all you want, the reality is they DO get the job done. Note that that is not the same thing as saying they are RIGHT.
I began raising chickens when I was in high school and on into my twenties. Something that chickens are famous for, and that most animals, and humans, do is create a "pecking order". I used to watch as one single chicken would be singled out. Often it would start with just one of the top-rung chickens who decided to zero in on some aspect of the new chicken, or someone who was just injured or for whatever other reasons stood apart from the others.
Very quickly though everyone else would join in on harassing the lone victim. The weaker chicken now has a target on her and the rest of the flock is relentless. Naturally this chicken goes into isolation but often there is no escape. Eventually their demeanor changes, you can almost see on their face that they have lost hope; the sadness of their new station in life is apparent in their posture, their timidness, their fear.
Now we human beings are, theoretically, smarter than chickens.
But, really, are we all that much different?
In the case of water-boarding, the techniques of torture work because the captured soldier is relentlessly exposed to the same abuse repeatedly. They endure peck after peck after peck. Like a large tree on the edge of a river, it is only a matter of time before the little bits of erosion add up and eventually the large tree is brought crashing down into the river. Torture works because any individual can only withstand so much of the little pecks over time before they give in to whatever it is their oppressors are demanding.
Is this not the same thing for the individual being bullied by the powerful clique?
I attended an inservice training class for work at the beginning of this school year. It was made by students at a high school in Lebanon (Oregon). In the video one particular student has powerful influence over numerous others on a school bus. The student with influential power zeroes in on another student and starts to nit-pick details about this student and gets others to follow suit. This goes on for several days or weeks until finally the bullied student has had enough. No one is listening. No one is stepping up to stop it. One day he finally reaches his breaking point and brings a gun with him onto the bus, leading to a stand-off with the bully and even the police.
Just like Chinese water torture or water-boarding or shoving sticks up someone's fingernails... bullying gets results. It gets results because it is a form of torture.
I don't seem to have any answers to these cultural problems we have to face together. But I do think, as with most things, acknowledging and recognizing the issue is an important first step.
Recognizing that cliques are bad. We can excuse it as "I just like to spend time with my friends" all we want, but the fact is, cliques are deadly to relationships and to community.
Recognizing that not everything is funny and even if it's funny once that doesn't mean it's still going to be funny when it is repeated again...and again...and again...
Recognizing that if the status quo is maintained, if the behavior continues, then we can expect a breaking point and it probably is not going to be pretty.
Recognizing that we each have probably been guilty of bullying at some point in our lives. I know I have. But taking that and striving to not do so again.
Recognizing that we each, therefore, have an obligation to step up and speak up when we see it happening. Turning a blind eye, avoiding the danger we put ourselves in by confronting the conflict, is just plain and simply participating in the torture and bullying itself.
I saw an interview with the Dalai Lama today by Doctor Sanjay Gupta on CNN. I cannot remember exactly what was asked and said and was unable to find the exact quote when I searched the internet for it. But, basically, the Dalai Lama said that all of the problems in the world can be solved if we would just stop thinking of ourselves individually and start thinking of ourselves as one human community.
Instead of focusing on the ME and on MY needs, recognize that we are all in this together, that we each have hopes, dreams, feelings, fears, problems. If we could just allow ourselves a little bit of empathy perhaps we would be able to step out of our natural instinct of operating under selfish motives. If we did just a little bit of this, putting others first, then perhaps all sorts of problems in the world...bullying, torture, war, racism, poverty, violence...then perhaps we might just make a dent in some of these problems, together.
I began raising chickens when I was in high school and on into my twenties. Something that chickens are famous for, and that most animals, and humans, do is create a "pecking order". I used to watch as one single chicken would be singled out. Often it would start with just one of the top-rung chickens who decided to zero in on some aspect of the new chicken, or someone who was just injured or for whatever other reasons stood apart from the others.
Very quickly though everyone else would join in on harassing the lone victim. The weaker chicken now has a target on her and the rest of the flock is relentless. Naturally this chicken goes into isolation but often there is no escape. Eventually their demeanor changes, you can almost see on their face that they have lost hope; the sadness of their new station in life is apparent in their posture, their timidness, their fear.
Now we human beings are, theoretically, smarter than chickens.
But, really, are we all that much different?
In the case of water-boarding, the techniques of torture work because the captured soldier is relentlessly exposed to the same abuse repeatedly. They endure peck after peck after peck. Like a large tree on the edge of a river, it is only a matter of time before the little bits of erosion add up and eventually the large tree is brought crashing down into the river. Torture works because any individual can only withstand so much of the little pecks over time before they give in to whatever it is their oppressors are demanding.
Is this not the same thing for the individual being bullied by the powerful clique?
I attended an inservice training class for work at the beginning of this school year. It was made by students at a high school in Lebanon (Oregon). In the video one particular student has powerful influence over numerous others on a school bus. The student with influential power zeroes in on another student and starts to nit-pick details about this student and gets others to follow suit. This goes on for several days or weeks until finally the bullied student has had enough. No one is listening. No one is stepping up to stop it. One day he finally reaches his breaking point and brings a gun with him onto the bus, leading to a stand-off with the bully and even the police.
Just like Chinese water torture or water-boarding or shoving sticks up someone's fingernails... bullying gets results. It gets results because it is a form of torture.
I don't seem to have any answers to these cultural problems we have to face together. But I do think, as with most things, acknowledging and recognizing the issue is an important first step.
Recognizing that cliques are bad. We can excuse it as "I just like to spend time with my friends" all we want, but the fact is, cliques are deadly to relationships and to community.
Recognizing that not everything is funny and even if it's funny once that doesn't mean it's still going to be funny when it is repeated again...and again...and again...
Recognizing that if the status quo is maintained, if the behavior continues, then we can expect a breaking point and it probably is not going to be pretty.
Recognizing that we each have probably been guilty of bullying at some point in our lives. I know I have. But taking that and striving to not do so again.
Recognizing that we each, therefore, have an obligation to step up and speak up when we see it happening. Turning a blind eye, avoiding the danger we put ourselves in by confronting the conflict, is just plain and simply participating in the torture and bullying itself.
I saw an interview with the Dalai Lama today by Doctor Sanjay Gupta on CNN. I cannot remember exactly what was asked and said and was unable to find the exact quote when I searched the internet for it. But, basically, the Dalai Lama said that all of the problems in the world can be solved if we would just stop thinking of ourselves individually and start thinking of ourselves as one human community.
Instead of focusing on the ME and on MY needs, recognize that we are all in this together, that we each have hopes, dreams, feelings, fears, problems. If we could just allow ourselves a little bit of empathy perhaps we would be able to step out of our natural instinct of operating under selfish motives. If we did just a little bit of this, putting others first, then perhaps all sorts of problems in the world...bullying, torture, war, racism, poverty, violence...then perhaps we might just make a dent in some of these problems, together.
Thank you. As a parent, it's not just hoping my children aren't being bullied, it's hoping I'm teaching them kindness so they aren't bullies themselves.
ReplyDelete